Quotes

Words worth keeping

296 quotes — from Indian and world voices, in English, Hindi and Urdu — while our publisher catalog grows.

Filtered by: Humor Clear all

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you.

— Rita Mae Brown
Humor

I don't want to be a man," said Jace. "I want to be an angst-ridden teenager who can't confront his own inner demons and takes it out verbally on other people instead.""Well," said Luke, "you're doing a fantastic job.

— Cassandra Clare
Humor

Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.

— Terry Pratchett
Humor

All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.

— Chuck Palahniuk
Life Humor Faith & Religion

This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.

— George V. Higgins
Life Humor

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer

— Douglas Adams
Humor

Never memorize something that you can look up.

— Albert Einstein
Humor Science

Is it true that you shouted at Professor Umbridge?""Yes.""You called her a liar?""Yes.""You told her He Who Must Not Be Named is back?""Yes.""Have a biscuit, Potter.

— J.K. Rowling
Humor

Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business.Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git.Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor.Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball.

— J.K. Rowling
Humor

He can run faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo.

— J.K. Rowling
Humor

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

— Kurt Vonnegut
Humor

When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.

— Groucho Marx
Humor Friendship

Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.

— Terry Pratchett
Humor

For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons.

— Douglas Adams
Humor

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

— Albert Einstein
Humor

World quotes adapted from the Abirate/english_quotes dataset (CC BY 4.0). Indian-figure and Hindi/Urdu quotes are a curated compilation of widely-attributed public sayings.